30 Things I've Learned in 30 Years

     

As you may have known, I just celebrated a milestone birthday - the big 3-0. It's a good time in life to reflect upon your past experiences and lesson that you have learned. As I get older, I find my priorities changing, and things that weren't important to me, are now. So check out my 30 life lessons I've learned in 30 years. Hopefully I've learned more than 30, but these are the ones I found most important.  

     1. Family is everything.

Plain and simple. I grew up in a fairly large family (6 brothers and sisters, and a huge extended family.) When my brothers and sisters started to have babies, I loved spending time with them. I loved watching them grow. I miss a lot of things about San Diego, but what I miss the most is watching my nephews’ sports games and taking my nieces out for frozen yogurt. My brothers and sisters have always treated me like the baby of the family. Even when I had a full-time job, they would still pay for my meals and make sure I was taken care of. We have made some huge mistakes in our family. We have hurt each other beyond measure, and those issues may still affect our lives today. But we have also done some amazing things for each other and even if we don’t see it all the time, we are selfless and we are generous. We certainly have issues, but our love is deep. I know that if I was ever in a bind, I have 6 people who would do anything for me, and that is very comforting. When it comes down to it, your family are the people who will take care of you when you are sick and pregnant, drive 12 hours just to hang out with you while you’re the in hospital, loan you money, help you move, take care of your kids when you aren’t able to, make you laugh when you are sad, and no matter how bad your relationship might be, if you needed them, they would drop what they were doing to help you. Take care of your family because in the end, they are what matters. This includes friends that are family.
2. Spoken words cannot be recovered.

I’ve learned that once you say something, even if you didn’t mean it, you can never take it back. I’m sure that I have said some pretty nasty things that I wish I could take back, especially to my Mom, and I am sure there are other people out there too. There are two very specific things that people have said to me that I will never forget. They are hurtful and the words still echo in my mind. And I’m hoping that I’ve never said anything hurtful that someone remembers and thinks about often. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. So, think twice before saying something mean.

      3. Missed events cannot be recovered.

I used to pride myself on being at most family functions or activities, but there is one specific important event that I did not go to because I was mad at my sister. I missed my nephew Mason’s baptism in Nevada (that the whole family went to!) because Jamie and I were mad at each other. I’m sure Mason doesn’t remember, but to this day I regret not going. There are a few other important events that I missed for trivial reasons and if I could, I would go back and chose to go to the special occasion. So even if you don’t feel like it, go!

4.  If you love something at the store, buy it!

One of my life lessons I learned from my Mom. If you see something in the store that you just absolutely love and need to have, buy it right then. Because you will be kicking yourself if you go back to purchase it and it’s no longer there. Don’t risk losing it, just buy it! Same goes for airline tickets…if the price is right, just buy them right then. Don’t think the price is going to go down or you might end up paying double than the original price!

5.  When you are sad, do something.

Even if you are crying while you do it, just do it. Another life lesson from my Mom. I’ve been through some depressing times in my life. I would always call my mom crying and after talking to me for a while, she would say, “Go for a walk, even if you are crying. Put on your sunglasses and get out there.” And I would do what she said and I would feel better. Moms really do know best sometimes.

6.  It’s ok to be crazy sometimes.

I’ve also had some pretty crazy times in my life. And by crazy, I mean emotionally, not party-wise. But I’ve learned that it’s ok to not have everything together all of the time. Life is hard and sometime it gets too overwhelming and we just lose it. And that’s ok. But if it lasts longer than a few weeks, seek professional help!

7.  Get it together!

Like I mentioned above, it’s ok to be crazy sometimes. But there are times when it’s not ok to crazy, and you just have to “Get it together!” A shout out to my best friend Lindsey for teaching me to “Get it together!” It’s an important lesson and a phrase we use quite commonly in our family now.

8.  Surround yourself with positive influences.

Negative people will only bring you down. If you think you can change them or you can help them be more positive, you can’t. Run away and find some happy people to hang out with. You’ll be glad you did.

9. Don’t be flaky.

If you say you’re going to do something, do it! Don’t make plans with people and then flake out on them at the last minute. There definitely have been times where maybe I wasn’t feeling up to hanging out but instead of flaking, I went and ended up having lots of fun. Plus you don’t want to be known as the flaky person, that’s not the quality you want to be remembered by.
10. Say yes to new things.

I never was too adventurous growing up. Actually, when I was little, I was so shy my little brother talked for me. After high school graduation, I just stuck around East County, kept my same high school job and went to SDSU. It wasn’t until I moved to Massachusetts that I really was forced to step out of my comfort zone. I wanted to make friends, so when people asked me to things, I said yes. This led me to running 5k’s, jumping in freezing cold water, golfing and doing CrossFit. While many of the activities have been challenging, it has been fun trying different things I normally wouldn’t do. I think from here on out I will say yes to new things more! #allisonmademedoit

11. Social media is the devil.

Honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with my social media, for many reasons. I love seeing pictures of people’s babies, vacation pictures, what they ate for dinner and how cute their dog looks when he’s sleeping. But honestly, I don’t like it when social media is used to make other people jealous. You start comparing yourself to people who portray a good life on Facebook, which is dumb because it’s fake. Everyone struggles and everyone’s life is imperfect, so it’s silly to compare yourself to them based on their Facebook pictures! Social media is also the devil because it’s so addicting and time consuming.

12.  Be here (without your phone).

Social media can definitely cause problems in relationships. I find the more Brandon is on his phone (because of work), the more I hate my phone. There’s nothing like going to a restaurant and watching a couple eat dinner without talking – because they are both on their phones. I go out to eat dinner to be with friends, family or husband – not to check my phone! Something I am trying to work on, is enjoying the moment wherever I may be, whatever I may do doing. Sure it’s ok to take a few pictures and share it on social media, but then put it away and soak up all the awesomeness of the people and environment around you.

13.  Get dessert.

Life’s too short to not get dessert. Or eat ice cream breakfast. Both are acceptable to me.

14.  Explore new places.

I love to go to new places, even if it’s just a park, a small town or path. Since moving to Massachusetts, it has been so much fun exploring all these new places. Sometimes it sucks, but sometimes the place is really cool. You never know what you are going to stumble upon, so keep exploring!

15. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

I’m sure we’ve all compared our lives to others at some point. It’s hard to see people’s portrayed lives on social media and think “How the heck do they have so much money?” or “They are always look so happy, they must have the perfect relationship.” But really who even cares? It sounds so cliché but the only person I want to compare myself to, is who I was yesterday (or a year ago, etc.). I’m trying to be the best Gini that I can be, so there’s no need to compare myself or envy others. When I’m just worrying about myself and doing the best I can, I am definitely happier.

16.  Smile.

Seriously. When someone smiles at you, don’t you just think “Hey! That’s really nice!” Just me? I find smiling is especially important at work. I know there are lots of people that hate their jobs and they look like it, and that is very depressing. So I try to be extra smiley around those people, with hopes that they stop being Negative Nancies.

17.  Maintain yourself friendships. Friendship is a two way street!

Friendships take work and time. If you want to maintain your friendships, you have to keep in contact with that person. Another lesson I’ve learned since moving far, far away from home. It takes two people to be in a friendship. One person should not be solely responsible for calling, texting or writing. I’m guilty of not doing my part, but I’ve also been on the other side. It gets tiring always being the one who has to call or the one who has to initiate contact. Keep it simple! If you want to talk to that person, call them. If you miss them, tell them. If there’s a problem, talk to them about it. I think sometimes we think people are mind readers, and it turns out, they’re not. Remember to make equal effort to keep your friends going strong.

18.  Education is important.

I find education to be the key to success and happiness. Almost every day, I work with individuals who dropped out of high school, are living in extreme poverty and are unable to read. It’s not a fun life, and you are extremely limited in hobbies, travel, quality of housing, etc. The more education we have, the better we can solve problems, seek information when needed and advocate for ourselves, all which lead to a better quality of life.

19.  Just do it!

Don’t waste years talking about doing something, just go out and do it. If you want a new job, try to get one. If you want to go back to school, just do go. If you want to get healthy, exercise. Don’t make excuses! Even if you start out slowly, just do it….the time will pass anyways!

20.  Have goals.

Paying off a credit card. Losing 10 pounds. Going back to school. Getting a promotion. Remembering everyone’s birthday. I find that when I am working towards something, I am happier.

21. Volunteer.

I don’t volunteer as often as I should, but when I have, it feels good! Volunteering not only helps out the organization or people you are working for, but it can also help you network, build up your resume and get involved in your community. One thing I miss about being away from the fleet, is the opportunities to volunteer at military family events. I have met lots of people through volunteering that I am still friends with today!

22.  Laugh. Laugh a lot.

One of my favorite things about my husband is that he doesn’t take too many things very seriously. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but most of the time he approaches situations the right way, with laughter and humor. I try to be more like him, especially during high stress moments. It’s so much better to laugh your way through trying times, than to become a major bitch and ruin everyone’s day around you.

23.  Adopt a dog. Dogs rock.

Next to Brandon, Brawley is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the light of my life. I love coming home from work each day to a jumping, happy puppy who is overjoyed to see me, even though it’s only been 8 hours. Brawley is happy just going on a walk or getting a treat. He is so easy to please, and I wish I could be more like him in that aspect. I’m sure Brawley is happy that we found him and saved him from the harsh desert of the Imperial Valley, but I’m pretty sure we are the lucky ones. Who saved who, right? Brawley is my first dog (besides our sweet Sundance growing up) but I’ll never “buy” a dog. Adoption all the way.

24. Turn the tv off.

As I get older, I am becoming more like my mom or my sisters. I used to not mind watching tv all day long. Now when Brandon turns it on, sometimes I cringe. I love the silence of the house. Just reading a book or cleaning up without the noise from the tv is nice. Plus spending time outside or doing something cool is way better than just flipping through the channels. Don’t get me wrong, I have my favorite shows, but if there’s nothing on, I try to find something else to do.

25. It’s ok to make mistakes. Don’t dwell on your past.

Mistakes are great huh? You learn so much from them and the best part is, if you’re smart you won’t make that mistake again. Which means you learned something! Like most people, I have had my fair share of mistakes and sometimes I get sick to my stomach thinking of things I have done or allowed to happen. But then I remember how much I learned from them and how I’ll never let it happen again. And I find peace in that.

26. Forgive others, even when they don’t say sorry.

This is one I still struggle with, but it’s a good lesson to learn. I have spent lots of time being upset with people and holding grudges, especially when they haven’t said sorry. How can you really forgive someone if they don’t say sorry? I’m still working on that, but I imagine it includes letting go of your anger for that person and not allowing for your feelings to get the best of you. Remember that great life you have? It’s too short to waste being mad at someone. And if they can’t apologize, then the problem lies within them.

27. Say sorry. And mean it.

If you did something wrong or said something mean, just own up to it and say sorry. And be genuinely sorry. There is nothing worse than someone saying “Well I’m sorry for how that made you feel.” That’s such a cop-out response. Just really be sorry for whatever you did!

28.  It’s ok to say no.

I stress A LOT when people ask me to do things I don’t want to do. I have this inner battle with myself between feeling guilty to say yes, but really not wanting to do it. Like when the missionaries text me and want come over in a few hours…I want to say yes because they are so nice, but I’m already in my pajamas and Brandon’s drinking a glass of wine, so I want to say no. It’s ok to say not to things you don’t want to do, and you don’t always have to explain why either!

29. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t bullshit.

If you’re mad at someone, tell them. If they hurt your feelings, let them know. If you did something hurtful, own up to it. I don’t think it’s fair to waste people’s time beating around the bush, just say what you have to say. It’s so much better that way. In our family, so many things get lost in translation or that fun game called “Telephone” and people end up mad each other without even talking! It’s so dumb. Just communicate and things will be so much easier.

30. It’s the little things.

Seriously, it is. It’s the magical time when winter turns into spring. It’s when your husband opens your door. Or when you niece says your name for the first time. Sure travelling the world, driving a fancy car and making lots of money is nice, but our everyday happiness comes from the little moments in life.

Because it's all about the little things in life, I'm starting the #100happydays challenge. It's where you post a picture everyday about something little that makes you happy. It's not designed to make other jealous or make it seem like your life is perfect. It's really about finding happiness in the little things in life, and hopefully after 100 days of focusing on things that make you happy, you'll be happier!